Quitting

[Lamente]

I'm sure this is a bit late, and that most of you have already come to this conclusion. I'm sorry I didn't do this sooner, and I'm also sorry I haven't talked to any of you since I left. I am terrible at social interaction, and I guess I've felt that nobody would really want to talk to me anyways. The truth is, even though I've been gone for a while, I myself wasn't really sure if I was quitting or not. This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It's easy to simply stop playing, but it's another thing entirely to admit that you are quitting, and to announce it to everyone. It is very painful, and I literally feel slightly sick to my stomach writing this, but I know it's something I must do.

Regrettably, I don't think I can enjoy FFXI any longer. I kept playing for a long time, desperately trying to recapture the magic I had experienced at various stages in the game. It began to feel as if I was doing things simply because that is what I had always done. HNMs, Dynamis, missions, Einherjar, exp, crafting--everything began to feel like a chore. Like something I had to do for some inexplicable reason. I evaluated any remaining goals I had wanted to accomplish. I felt like I had attained everything I had ever wanted. I lacked purpose and direction. Whatever it was that had once made FFXI special to me was gone, and the sad realization that I was never going to get it back began to set in. I stopped playing at that point, and simply ignored that part of my life for many months. Until now.

In the absence of FFXI, there is a deep void left in my heart. I feel as if I must fill this void somehow, so I've been trying other MMOs. I have to say, though: there is nothing currently on the market that can live up to the standards set by FFXI. There are many things I dislike about FFXI; many things I complained about, and I'm sure you all have as well. However, there are certain things FFXI does well that other games fail miserably at. I have been hard pressed to find another game with a community as good as FFXI's. Another game with as much emphasis on grouping. I am very shy, which many of you may not believe. Thrust in to the average MMO on the market today, I am invariably stuck soloing everything, because soloing actually is viable in the vast majority of these games. I am not forced to group, and so I do not.

What I will miss most about FFXI is the people. In my time playing, I've encountered both the worst people I've ever met, and the best. However, the people I used to enjoy playing with the most are long gone. Even if they came back, things would never be the same as they were then.

No, indeed, nothing will ever be the same again. I've decided that I can't continue to torture myself with the tedium of this game, trying in vain to experience what was long lost. All I have now are my memories.

I never would have thought that a game could become such an important part of my life. The best days of my life to date were at the FFXI Fan Festival 2007. I'm not sure if that is indicative of how pathetic my social life is, or how much I love this game. If I had to choose, I think I'd say it's a little of both.

You have all done so much to help me achieve my goals in this game, and for that, I thank you. I feel that I must apologize to all of you for quitting after all the things you've helped me with. I hope you do not feel as if your efforts were wasted on me. I'm sorry.

[Deathbeckons]

hey lam, i know you probably still dislike me but i just want you to know i still consider you a friend and it sucks to hear that youve decided to quit for good. lot of people leave and come back, but i get the feeling in your case youre done for good. i wish you the best of luck in life and everything you decide to do. if you ever want to talk to me, you know where to find me.

[Narru]

Aww I dunno if I wanna come back now. I should have made a farewell thread but I was too weak.. it does hurt saying goodbye.